Top 5 Tales of Woe

Angst-Ridden Teens | Terrible Twenties 
Three hOrrific
| Forgettable Forties  
Feeble Fifties 

Forgettable Forties

I am able to function only under constant sedation (5/10/02) - LV, Memphis, TN, Age 40

I have an extremely rare progressive genetic disease which makes my hair grow in backwards. To the outside world I appear completely bald but beneath my skin I am tortured by millions of itchy, painful hairs. Since symptoms of my syndrome began presenting themselves in my 20s I have been able to function only by being under constant sedation.

Occasionally a particularly long hank of internal hair will wrap itself around an organ and strangle the blood supply causing enormous pain and necessitating a major operation. The hair which would ordinarily be on my head periodically forms a dense matted mass between my skull and menengis which must be removed via surgery. I must therefore undergo painful and risky brain surgery approximately once every three months.

Needless to say, sex is out of the question. What would normally have been pubic hair grew into my testicles
excruciatingly strangling their blood supply and swelling them to the size of grapefruit before they had to be removed. Anal hair encircled my colon and large intestine rendering them inoperable and necessitating a colostomy bag. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is my deep faith in the almighty and morphine. Not necessarily in that order.

I am getting sick from the mold (5/10/02) - Anonymous, Texas

I just got out of prison after serving two years of living hell for a DWI. I was drinking because I have chronic pain from sciatic nerve damage in my spine and can hardly walk. I can barely live on the social security money I get from Medicare and when my husband died he was unemployed so he left me nothing but kids to raise alone who are hellions and abuse me and steal what little money I get from my disability checks.

They are over 19 and won't move out. I tried changing the locks but one of them broke the front door in. Right now my next door neighbor is threatening to shoot my dog because it barks at him through the fence. He left a nasty note tacked to my front door (that was before my son broke it down) and I can't let it out in the back yard so it is defecating on the floor in the house.

I have some kind of toxic mold growing in my bathroom and my insurance company refuses to fix it, and raised my insurance to $3,761.98 a year and said they can't insure my home for less than that. I tried to get another insurance company but was told they can't insure me because I made a water damage claim a year ago when the sewer line backed up and went through my entire bathroom and bedroom. What the hell was I supposed to do? The man from toxic mold inspection said it would cost $80,000 as he would have to rip down the walls and the air ducts that the mold is growing in. I am getting sick from this mold and feel like I am going to die.

I hate the god-damned whore who gave me this (3/17/02) - John, TN, Age 47

I am so damned frustrated. I hate my ex-wife for giving me genital herpes. I finally got rid of the cheating slut but I can't get rid of this. Wouldn't you know it along comes the love of my life and I don't have any choice but to tell her about this shit. What if she can't accept me? If she can't then perhaps she wasn't the right one after all. Anyhow I hate the god-damned whore who gave me this. I shouldn't have to deal with it. May she rot in Hell!

They feel forced to humor me (3/17/02) - Lorraine, Nova Scotia, Age 45

I am 45 years old. I still live with my parents in their trailer in some shitty plot of land in the middle of nowhere. I am assistant manager at a shoe store, and work under some guy who thinks he's God because he's head manager. To make it all the more pathetic, I'm a pathological liar. I put on a tough-chick show at the shoe store. I tell people that I went to college, I choose to live with my parents in a beach side estate, I'm not head manager because the shoe store discriminates against women, and that I am a MENSA member. That's all bullshit, and the worst part is the 16 year olds who work for me know it's bullshit but feel forced to humor me because I am supposedly their boss. I'm a nobody. 16 year olds are smarter than me. How ever did my life turn out so wretched?

I'm seeking all the free drink I can get (12/18/01) - Ted, London, Age 47

I'm a sour old whisky-sodden womanising beast of a failed poet and drama critic. I was just fired from my job at the newspaper. To make matters worse I fucked a drunk-out-of-her-mind girl in a pub only to find out I am her god father, I hadn't seen her since she was a 2 year old and she is know 26.Her father, my ex-best friend wants me for dead. I am now living off a friend who took me in when no one else would. I'm seeking all the free drink I can get from him. I was arrested for shop lifting 13 bottles of Glenfiddich, but I was let off as I am months behind on my alimony payments and haven't a fucking penny. I know that the friend I am living with is about to kick me out for his bitch of a girlfriend Kirsty who smells like cucumber juice. I have no sex life and have to whack myself off twice a day.

This world undervalues me, I am an undiscovered artist.

And guess what else sucks, I AM ALIVE

I have resigned myself to a lonely life (8/5/01) - Neil, Newcastle, England, Age 41

I'm manic depressive and have one friend who comes around sometimes when he needs to borrow money.  He's an Islamic fundamentalist and is always talking about God which really pisses me off.  Most of the time I am by myself apart from the few odd times when I write a one line reply to a Usenet newsgroup that is supposed to be witty but usually just illustrates how little I have to say for myself.  About once or twice a week I have a turn which is where I lose contact with reality completely and start doing crazy stuff that I will regret later like treading digestive biscuits into the carpet whilst shouting for help at the top of my voice.  I haven't had sex now for 10 years and even when I did I didn't find much fun in it.  I have now resigned myself to a lonely life with little or no comfort or relief.  I'm glad I discovered this site as it is the first time I have been able to tell another living soul what a crap time I am having just about ever.  I tell psychiatrists things are fine since I don't really enjoy spending time on a psych ward but I realize that it is probably where I belong and the future I have in store.

I smell bad and fantasize about pedophilic acts (12/25/99)  - JB, Raleigh, NC, Age 45

I am an unemployed manic depressive ex con. I run a pathetic drug-themed bulletin board on the internet that no one ever reads. My wife supports me financially but will not have sex with me because she thinks all the anal sex I had in prison made me gay. I smell bad and fantasize about pedophilic acts. To top it all off, I am now on house arrest and awaiting trial for receiving a sheet of acid in the mail. If I go back to jail, my wife will divorce me and I will live out the rest of my days having my anus stretched by angry crackheads. I want to die. 

I have had horrible rashes around my vagina (12/22/99)  - Julie, Massachusetts, Age 42

I have a rubber leg from an auto-accident that took place when I was 17 years old.  I have had horrible rashes around my vagina and once had a terrible fungal growth on the stump portion of the leg.  My husband is an eighty year old veteran of two wars who refuses to have sex with me and only gives me grocery money if I give him blow jobs.  He has gonorrhea.  But anyway, sucking the dick of an eighty year old man with the clap and itching at your fungus infected stump while trying to forget the terrible burning in your own genitals isn't my idea of a good time.  But unfortunately, it's what I face almost on a daily basis. 

I can't see any way out of this mess (12/16/99)  - Anonymous, Massachusetts, Age 40+

I've destroyed my own life. I was happily single and then married my second wife. Despite the fact that I have a 19 year old son who's a complete fuckup and makes my life miserable my second wife wanted a baby and I went along with her. She had twins and now my life is run by two-year-olds. My house has become a fucking zoo and secretly I don't love my children. My wife has gained weight every year, diets don't help, I feel no sexual desire for her and I quit a job I loved for one that paid more because she wanted to remodel the house. Additionally, she's constantly sniffling, clearing her throat and coughing up phlegm; I can't stand to sleep next to her, never mind have sex with her. I can't see any way out of this mess because if I divorce her I will be broke for the rest of my (hopefully short) life from the child support payments. I am stuck and suffering in a situation of my own making.

I can't seem to get rid of my halitosis (11/13/99)  - Michael, Cape Town, South Africa, Age 40

I live in the most beautiful city in the world where there is an average of 7 women to each man. I can't seem to get rid of my halitosis and as a result I am still a virgin (as I mentioned, I am 40 years old ( 01/10/59) and I received no birthday presents). To compound the problem, I am fresh out of masturbatory techniques.

No man wants me for the same reason (10/26/99)  - Mary, Floriday, Age 47

I am a handicapped single parent with a multiply handicapped child.  No one in FL wants to hire me for a job because all they see is the wheelchair and not the person.  No man wants me for the same reason.  They don't see a person who is sitting down, just that she's sitting on wheels.  I was born paraplegic and have had my right leg amputated 10 years ago.  My daughter's old man is dead and I haven't been able to find a decent man since I broke up with my last boyfriend 10 years ago.  I am on gov't assistance but that sucks because I have to live in the slums with all the low lifes.  I have a 140 I.Q., am pretty and bright, compassionate, understanding and have a good heart.  I have good skills (I was a secretary in NY and had several other jobs over the years).  FL is a backwards state and I am trying to save money to get the hell out of this swamp state but it doesn't seem to be happening.  My daughter has cerebral palsy, hemiplegia, epilepsy, learning disabilities and is emotionally immature so she will be with me for the rest of her life.  All I want is a chance to get back on my feet with work and a chance to meet a nice young man who will see the woman and not the wheels.  He must also like children because that is what my daughter will always be -- a child.  I could go on to tell of the OVER 40 (I lost count there) operations I have had and all the problems I had being brought up in a foster home, and the drug scene I was into when I was much younger but that will all come out in the book I am writing -- if I can get it published. 

There's not a lot left, is there?  - Anonymous, West Texas, Age 46

I have had diabetes for nearly 30 years, and my body is just about worn out. I'm a tenth of what I used to be. Women that I meet, catch the vibe from me that I'm unhealthy and no one wants a guy who is in failing health. The disease has lately progressed to the point where I can't work, I can't physically make love to women, and there's not a lot left, is there?? I'm getting help from the state, but it's very little to speak of, and I have to live like a homeless person to qualify for the benefits. I'm sick and tired of all the shit I go through each day. I try to think about how much worse it could be, so that I won't feel so bad, but even that doesn't work anymore. I'm living the life I always thought would be the worse conditions to be in. When I hear people say, "There's always tomorrow", I want to tell them to shove that tomorrow up their ass, unless they have all the hemorrhoids like me and can't get anything up there if they wanted to.  Yeah, life sucks all right.

The sick irony - Terry, Oregon, Age 41

I quit using drugs and alcohol, quit my job to start a business, cashed out my retirement and spent it on business, now broke, can't find a job to save my ass, and can't afford to go back to using drugs and alcohol.

We will fall through the cracks  - Orpheus, Los Angeles, Age 45

Physically and sexually abused as a child.  Married at 26, wife got Multiple Sclerosis at 30.  Downhill to paralysis.  At 40 I was found under my desk hiding from the world.  Ended up in a psych ward for a week.  Found out that a neighbor molested my daughter when she was between 2 1/2 and 4. My wife has been edging on the psychotic due to her inability to cope with her paralysis.  Business I work for was sold, and I will end up with no insurance.  Because of the hospital visit and my wife's illness, we will fall through the cracks and will no longer be able to get insurance. 

I just want to go home to God now - Suzan, Colorado, Age 44

Only the truly stupid are means they don't know what's going on. No one ever actually loves anyone else..its just a lie they tell to try to get what they want from you.  I just want to go home to God now.

I find it hard to muster the slightest smile - Brooks, US, Age 41

I'm cursed, warped, sexually repulsive and totally unlovable.  The loneliness is hard to live with.  To know I'll never have the great highs and vast challenges of having a husband/partner or family is pure agony.  I am always in pain and find it hard to muster the slightest smile or will to go on.  There is no life left in this spit-upon, shit-upon, cum upon piece of human waste.

For some reason, they smell like clams (2/15/00)  - Anonymous, FL, Age 47

I'm a 4'2", balding, port-a-let cleaner with dirty fingernails that lives with his step-mother. My dad died in an controversial felching accident when I was 5. Now they call me turd-gerbil. Instead of an asshole, I now have a nice cluster of hemorrhoidal "grapes" gently tucked between my butt cheeks and for some reason, they smell like clams. My last bowel movement was 9 days ago. They hurt so bad that every time I try to shit, I cry. Speaking of shit, a hooker shit diarrhea in my eyes four months ago... I still can't see.

I have something resembling lava temperature pumpkin pie filling spilling from my cock and my right nut has swollen to at least 3 times the size of the other. I have a large, angry lump in my armpit that I swear makes noise, my cat shit in my bed, my sister is fucking all my friends, and someone keeps leaving little Cornish game hens stuffed with used condoms on my doorstep. 

Top 5 Tales of Woe

Angst-Ridden Teens | Terrible Twenties 
Three hOrrific
| Forgettable Forties  
Feeble Fifties 


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